


Operation: Freaky Friday

by Ihateallergies



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Brotp, Crack, Freaky Friday - Freeform, Gen, I wish I could quit you, body switch, somebody stop me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2018-02-20 14:53:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2432798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihateallergies/pseuds/Ihateallergies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're just two dudes pretending to be some dudes disguised as other dudes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Indecent Proposal (ok not that bad)

Darcy has been working for Tony Stark for all of two months and, frankly, she surprised that her hair isn't falling out in clumps to the ground. She can't count how many times she's had to apologize on his behalf or how much money she's had to dole out in compensation. To be fair, a good portion of that is because whenever Thor gets excited, he forgets that most things in New York aren't built to withstand his Asgardian strentgh. She just wishes Tony would stop inviting him to NFL games.

Tony has asked Darcy to a clandestine lunch meeting and this annoys her because of how often he claims that 'subtle' isn't a mode he has. She sits down across from her boss and gladly gulps the white wine that is waiting for her.

"Ms. Lewis, glad you could make it," he greets formally and Darcy swallows. Whether it be her or the Dalai Lama(who was a great sport about it), he never does formal unless he is up to something. Allfather, help her.

"Shit, Stark, what did you do?"

"Nothing yet," he says vaguely and she wants to grab him by his Versace tie and shake him til he has to call his teammates to save him. "I ordered you salmon. Do you like salmon?"

Darcy knows this is just a part of some rehearsed speech he has because he only ever asks her opinion when needs advice on his relationship. "Stark you have three minutes before I call pepper."

His eyes bulge slightly. "I need your help," he begins and Darcy hardly bites back a retort about how that's nothing new. "I need your help with a prank."

Darcy immediately feels her posture relax. It's not the first time he's asked for her to help get back at Clint and, honestly, it's one of her favorite parts (especially after that time she got covered in the honey and feathers meant for Tony). "Is that all?" She asks, relieved.

The relief drains as quickly as it came at the glint in his eye. "Oh this is no ordinary prank. I call it," He slides a Manila envelope across the silk table cloth dramatically. " _Operation: Freaky Friday._ "

Darcy opens the envelope and retrieves the documents. She has the personal file of Tony Stark in her hands. "Freaky Friday? Oh, hell, Tony. If you're building body switching technology--"

"I'm not, though I'm certain I could."

"Well?" She asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Do you know what the best thing about a magician is?"

She cannot answer. All she says is, "Out of all the _redonkulous_ things you could ever say to me, I never thought that sentence would be one of them. Nor does it answer my question."

He ignores her. "The best part is not the trick but the illusion." Darcy rolls her eyes and wonders how much medicinal marijuana he smoked while in Malibu. "I think it's far more impressive to trick the brain than it is to actually be able to make someone levitate."

"Right. So?" She asks though she thinks she knows where this is going. She is almost afraid of the answer because of how passionate he is.

"I wanna know if we can convince the everyone, even JARVIS, that we switched bodies."

Well that explains why he chose to meet outside of the tower. And actually used paper.

"Are you crazy? Wait nevermind. Why? Why me?" She is certain she will have stress induced alopecia by the end of the year.

"Why? Because why not? And why you? Because when your not being a buzzkill, you're actually pretty fun. You know, for a millennial."

Darcy rolls her eyes. "So you want me to trick all of our friends for an admittedly awesome prank that may or may not work." Darcy knows she should turn and run, but can't quell the bit of her that is interested. She leans in. "What's in it for me, Bossman?"

Tony grins triumphantly. When she calls him by nickname, he knows he won. All he needs to do is sweeten the deal. "A bonus for taking on the project, plus every month that we keep it up."

"Mmhm, but I live where I work and half of my bills are work expenses." She clears the table as the waitress brings them their food.

He brings out the big repulsors. "And technically, you will have control over my body, so you'll be doing everything in your power to make your job easier, right?"

"Deal," she says before she can stop herself. "You should have led with that. That should have been the first thing you said, before hello. I would have paid _you_."

Tony shrugs, ever unaware of the value of his money. All he says before digging into his filet mignon is, "You'd better say yes. I printed that out at the public library."


	2. Kumquat Banana Butt (No, Tony)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Covert lunch meetings. Kinda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to be stopped.

Darcy and Tony are at lunch again, this time working from some composition notebooks she had left over from college. Tony was able to print out his file at the library during a wing dedication ceremony, but they agree that him going to the library to keep records off of JARVIS would bring just as much attention. They choose to do everything by hand and leave any subsequent library runs to the one without a Wikipedia page.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Asks Darcy again skeptically.

"Why are you asking me that, this was my idea, shouldn't I be asking you if you have second thoughts?"

She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, you should be but you haven't and that's why I'm not sure if you're up to something this huge."

"Ok now you're making less sense than you usually do," he replies obstinately and this makes Darcy even less sure of his abilities.

"Look, if you ever tell anyone, I'll deny it, but you're a good guy and smarter than should be legal but you are so self centered."

He ignores the last half of her sentence. "You think I'm a good guy? Man I wish we where at the tower. I'd like to have this moment recorded for posterity-- Ow!" He yelps as she kicks him.

"See, dude, I don't think your up to it. I may have to learn the basics of mechanical engineering, but you have to learn how to be selfless."

"Selfless? Hate to break it to you, Lewis, but you're no Mother Teresa." He scowls slightly as he sips his bourbon.

She waves him away, "You're right--"

"Another moment I wish I had for my progeny--"

"Selfless is a bit strong and, if pressed I might even say your more selfless than I am, in a way." And she would; it's not like she goes out of her way to save the world, regardless of her of her health. "HOWEVER," she says as he begins to make another quip, "I am a normal person--"

"Well..."

Darcy smiles a bit. "I am a relatively normal person and relatively normal people would rather you remember their birthday than invite terrorist organization to your home in a misguided attempt at revenge."

Tony grimaces. "You didn't even work for me yet, you can't complain--"

"Can and will," she says easily. "I know Jane's birthday; I knew her birthday when we were just crazy scientist and underachieving intern." She looks at him wryly. "When's your girlfriend's birthday again?"

"It's warm when we celebrate?" He sort of answers.

Darcy smirks. "Oh yeah and that has everything to do with the seasons and nothing to do with the fact that you live in SoCal for a good part of the year."

Their lunch is brought to them so they put away the reading material as usual. They eat the sushi in comfortable silence as Darcy has given him a lot to think about.

~

"Glasses," Tony says as he sits down.

Darcy frowns. "What?"

"Glasses. Gimme." He opens his hand and waits for her to catch up.

"What, no hello?" She grumbles even as she complies.

She watches as he sticks some tiny something to the inside of the right arm. He hands them back and gets out his phone. She eyes them suspiciously, even though she really can't see anything.

"What did you do? They're not going to blow up are they?"

"Of course not, it'd be a fantastic waste of time if I killed you before we get _Operation: Freaky Friday_ started." He sees that this isn't enough for her so he continues on. "It's a display, only visible to the wearer. Like google glass but better. I'm not for postponing the mission until after the 8 years of college and post grad it will take you to get on my level, engineering wise so I made this so I can text you instructions."

She tentatively puts on her glasses and immediately is bombarded with instructions on how to repair certain malfunctions that sometimes occur with the armor. As much as she would like to, she can't keep the awe out of her voice. "And you can just text me these and they show up?"

"Yup. You're on your phone almost constantly. Texting while I work in the lab is very Darcy."

"Well, that's sort of brilliant." Not only is she impressed with the tech but also the fact that he looked up from his work long enough to notice that she was even there, let alone to make a note of her habits. For the first time, she thinks that maybe they can do this.

~

"Kumquat banana butt."

Darcy chokes on her tiramisu. "What?"

"The safe words are kumquat banana butt."

"Why do we need safe words?"

"Like we said, the jig is up if we make Pep or Jane cry or if someone's life depends on it. We say kumquat banana butt if we want to end it."

"Ok, yeah I get that, but the safe word? This is mission: impossible not S&M. We'd need a safe word if we wanted to end it but not blow our cover and are usually a bit more convenient to slip into conversation than kumquat banana butt."

Tony scoffs and is about to say something but Darcy stops him. Gesturing with her fork, she says, "As for Jane and Pepper and the life or death situation, I think the presence of tears and/or the fact that somebody is about to die is enough of a tell that we can leave the kumquat banana butt at home."

Tony frowns. "And you know all this how?"

"I'm an only child and was obsessed with Tom Cruise." She wrinkles her nose. "I was thisclose to joining the church of Scientology."

~

"There's more to me than eye rolls and texting, Bossman."

"That's all I see," he says as he sips his Bloody Mary.

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure everyone has their eyes on permenent rotation when talking to you." She replies, sipping her mimosa.

"Like you could do better," he says with a smirk.

"Totally can," she says.

"Fine. Do me."

Darcy smirks. He's walked right into this one. "Can't. Not that I'm not flattered, but I'm with Pepper now and I wouldn't do that until I'm CEO again." She looks like she wants to continue but he stops her with a hand.

"That... was actually pretty good."

~

It is now 5 months into her job as Tony Stark's assistant and 3 into Operation: Freaky Friday. The common goal of fucking with their friends has brought them together and Darcy no longer thinks her hair will fall out from trying to keep Tony alive and acting like an adult. It's actually pleasant to work for him. She writes off checks with a smile now.

It's their last covert lunch/brunch meeting before _Operation: Freaky Friday_ enters the main phase. Pepper also happens to be leaving for Malibu indefinitely to run the company. It's fortunate as neither of them is too proud to admit that Virginia Potts is one scary HBIC.

"This is it, Lewis," and if his tone is fond, they both pretend not to notice.

"Sure is, Stark." She has both of the journals stacked in front of her. They are flexible from frequent use and have varied print outs about Darcy's family and Tony's archenemies tucked between the pages. It's the only physical evidence they have. "What do we do with these?"

The logical part of her knows that she should burn the evidence and throw into the Hudson but she doesn't want to. The journals are like if they had to define each other's soul with pictures and words and it feels wrong to even think of destroying their extensions. She realizes how silly it is that she's become so attached to some flattened wood pulp and is glad that this isn't Tom Riddle's diary (being possessed and socking a giant snake on the muggle population of New York? She smirks at the thought of Thor and Tony trying to stop her).

"Lock them up. I want to be able to publish this after it's over. Get a safe-deposit box in your name. Put something in it like grandma's jewels. Something that seems more important than the notebooks."

Darcy ignores that he assumes she has family jewels and ones that are in her possession because, _of course he does_ , and instead asks, "Why do I feel like we're setting up an alibi?"

"Because we are?" He smirks. "Let's synchronize our watches and split."

She rolls her eyes but humors him, adding "A hundred bucks says Thor believes first."

Tony scoffs. "My money's on the Cap."


End file.
